It has been about three weeks since my last post! I have been so busy with my classes starting back up again! I have been up almost every night doing homework! I just finally finished the class that was keeping me so occupied, and now I am able to get back on my blogging grind!
So much has changed in just the past few weeks! I have made new friendships, mended old ones, and am now going to the gym! I have been eating healthy this past week and already have lost so much weight! I went on this diet plan called "reset," distributed through Usana.
My best friend since I was 10 years old had always been a heavy guy. Then he started using reset and has had an amazing transformation! Of course that peaked my curiosity! I had reached a plateau in my weight loss journey (or getting fit journey, rather ) and seeing his results really made me want to give it a try. I have always been pretty skeptical of these "diets" that miraculously make you look glorious, but my pal is an honest guy so I thought, "why not?"
Here is his body transformation:
Amazing, right?! It is still so weird to see him thin, but I am so happy for him! Now you can clearly see what made me want to try the diet! He repeated Reset a few times before achieving these results, as the plan is for 5 days only.
Now, after four days, here are my results:
These results are unbelievable so I understand if you would be skeptical too. However, I have nothing to gain by lying. I don't work for Usana, nor am I sponsored by them. This is just the God's honest truth, and proof that this stuff works.
Between the "before" and "after" photos, there is only a three pound difference. The goal of this diet isn't really weight loss. I mean, you will definitely lose weight if you follow it, but it is actually a cleanse, also known as a detox.
The reason my stomach looks so toned is because before, I had a big gut (like a lot of us have.) Of course fat contributes to this "gut," but the truth is that a lot of it is actually gunk and sludge that just has built up over time. This diet helped me to cleanse my body and remove the sludge, revealing my abs underneath.
Reset comes with a variety of flavors of shakes, bars, and is complete with vitamin health packs. It curbs your appetite and gives you a lot of energy. I never felt hungry at all. In fact, the shakes were so filling that I actually had to ask the man who sold it to me if I had to eat all three shakes a day! I think the best part is that all the food it comes with is so yummy!
They recommend you drink 64 fl oz if water a day, eat one serving of fruit and vegetables, and walk for 20-30 minutes daily. You are asked not to do any strenuous exercise. Apparently chemicals that you produce during exercise prevent Reset from reaching its full potential. I always had a lot of energy and I never felt light-headed, so I didn't think it could be for safety reasons.
Overall, I definitely recommend using this if you have reached a plateau, or if you have been feeling fatigued or sluggish. I am ecstatic with my results! I am going to continue to exercise and eat lean, and I will be trying to post my results as often as possible!
Message "My Life Journey's Facebook page or my personal Facebook for questions on how to get it. I got the connects ;)
If you are coming from stumble upon, google plus, or anywhere else, feel free to ask in the comments and I will give you my email! :)
At some point in a your walk with Christ, you will be persecuted for your beliefs. You will most likely be called...JUDGMENTAL! (DUN! DUN! DUN!) Christians tend to be over-zealous, and overbearing due to their desire to share what "Christ" has done in their lives. Christians simply have beliefs that differ from the secular world. Admit it! Often times you shut down a topic without ever hearing the side of the non-religious argument. This should not be the case. If you want someone to listen to you, then you need to be prepared to listen to them. Of course Christians need to have some level of "judgment," or "discernment" This is how we can tell the difference between right and wrong. This can be found in Proverbs 3:21, which says, “My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight.” However, there is a difference between honorable judgment, and sinful judgment. Often we will hear the phrase, "Do not judge, only God can judge." Well this is actually not true. Yes, the Bible states in James 4:12, “There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you – who are you to judge your neighbor?” The truth is, we are not supposed to judge our "neighbors," "brothers," or even "non-believers." However, we are supposed to judge their sin, for it is by their "fruits," that we can know whether or not they are saved. Note that this is different from "condemning." We have no place in telling someone that they are "going to hell," because only God is the examiner of hearts. Using our discernment, judging by a person's sins, we will be able to discern whether or not they are good influences, good friends, or even good enough to have around our children. That is as far as our allotted "judgment" is permissible. When in a debate, or in the company of an Atheist, Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Jew, Pagan, or someone of a different Christian denomination, how do you react? Are you willing to do anything to prove that you are right, even if you have to stoop to fallacious, malicious statements? I ask, because I, too, was once like this. I used to pull out my Bible, and be proud to have proved someone wrong. Did I ever successfully lead them to the Lord? NO. Why not? It is because I came off exactly what I was--proud. As Christians, we are taught that we should not be proud, or judgmental, and that we should be kind. We are taught that we should only speak words of encouragement and edification. So why then, is it so easy for us to get into a heated debate with non-Christians? It is not even our place to debate with anyone. All we can do is tell them what we believe if they are willing to hear. For the Atheists reading this post, there is a difference between being judgmental and having an opinion. You, too, can become a judgmental person by assuming that all Christians are judgmental. It is kind of like being black, and assuming that all white people are racist. Guess what? That makes you racist as well. Christians, there is a way to share Jesus without sounding judgmental. Let others see Jesus through you. If Jesus himself "came not to the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved," then who are we to think of ourselves higher than God, to condemn others? We need to preach TO people, not AT people. As for confronting our brothers and sisters in Christ, we do not need to wag our finger in their faces and point out their sins. If they are truly saved, they already know what they are doing wrong. Instead, we need to point a way out for them. Share scripture with them, or offer to pray with them. Do not act sympathetic, and do not exhibit pity. That is damaging to a person's dignity. Your duty is to show them LOVE. That is what you are called to do, and that is the very best way to shine your light so that other's may see. Another thing, DO NOT be afraid to confess your faults with others. In James 5:16, it states, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." In order to have proper Christian fellowship, you need to find other Christians to admit when you do wrong. In order to grow in Christ, and into a better person, you need to have more accountability. Your brothers and sisters in Christ can give you that accountability! It is tough trying to look perfect all the time and it is NOT YOUR JOB to look perfect. It is okay to mess up. It is okay to admit you have weakness. Humble yourselves, and use your discernment to understand to whom you can share your faults with and to whom you should not. Learn to confide in God, and in his true followers. So here are some tips on Evangelism I find helpful so as to avoid coming off "judgmental" or "condemning." 1.Let others see Jesus through your life- The way you think, dress, speak, and act, should reflect Jesus. In everything you do for someone else, you should do it as if you were doing it for God. Do everything you possibly can to assist others, and to put them above yourself. Do so with a good heart. People should know you are a Christian without you even having to use words. The world will put you under a microscope to watch you mess up if they know you’re a believer. Do not let this worry you, and do not ever perform for anyone. Every act should be genuine. When you mess up, admit your fault. Never try to justify your sinful actions--especially to nonbelievers. When you stumble and fall, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. 2.Make Jesus your main focus when witnessing- Do not make your church, pastor, or denomination, your main focus. It is not your job to put your church or pastor on a pedestal, and it definitely is not your job to appeal to a person's ignorance by convincing them that your specific denomination is the one for them. Remember that if a denomination's belief of the "method of salvation," adheres to the Bible, then you do not need to sweat the small stuff. If you do not concur with the believer, then pray for them that they would see the light. Only the Holy Spirit can give a person the right convictions, not you. 3.Always be yourself- Do not try to stick to specific techniques or scripts. I have been taught "The Way of the Master," and have even taught the course myself. It is a beautiful strategy, but several times I have heard people say, "Hey, I have heard this before..." or I forgot I already used it on them and they will make a comment like, "Didn't you already tell me this a few years back?" People aren't stupid, and chances are that if you are speaking to an educated atheist, they are going to catch on real quick. (Alot of Atheists despise Kirk Cameron and his methods, and you'd be a fool to think they don't educate themselves on these methods.) 4.Avoid senseless arguments- Yes the Bible says that we should always be ready with an answer, but arguing is not acceptable. You will be wasting your time, while other people who would be receptive to the gospel are just struttin' on past you. 5. Do not try to convince anyone- It is not your job to convince anyone of your beliefs. You did not see Jesus trying to convince anyone of who he was when he was spat on, hit, whipped, and nailed to a cross. He kept his mouth shut. He knew who he was, his followers knew who he was, and God knew who he was. That was all that mattered. You let people know what you believe, and why you believe it. You share your testimony. If they want to learn more, you tell them more. If they want to argue, or ignore you, move on. The worse thing that happens is your pride gets damaged, and you know what? You could use a blow to your pride. Use these moments to learn humility. Do not think that you let the Devil win by giving up, or that you did God some great injustice. Remember that the Devil has already lost, and that God does not ever NEED anyone to "seal the deal." The Holy Spirit will continue to prick the heart of the person until he/she is either saved, or has reached the level of the ultimate unpardonable sin--the blaspheming of the Holy Spirit. 6.Always treat people with love and respect- God loves us all regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, or religion. Believe it or not, God LOVES homosexual people. Do not take every opportunity you see on a Facebook post to beat up on gay people on a pro-homosexual post. God loves them and hates their sin. We, too, should show them love. Let them see that not every Christian is a condemning, self-righteous bigot. Even if you are heterosexual, odds are that you as a human being have a)watched pornography b)lusted after an individual and c) have had sex outside of marriage. These are all sexual sins, and guess what? You are just as "bad" as a homosexual. As for other religions, or for atheism, do your research on what they believe. Carm.org is a very good website to get yourself educated on others' beliefs. Do not expect people of other religions to educate themselves by reading your Bible and then not even do research on their religion. 7.Never "beat around the bush"- Get to the point when you are evangelising. Don't you hate it when Jehovah Witnesses come to your house at 9am on a Saturday morning? Isn't it uncomfortable when they keep pressing their beliefs on you? Does their persistence make you want to listen more to what they have to say? No. Do not do the same to others. Do not waste people's time. (Not that we believe it is a waste of time, but they will.) Jesus may have lived for 33 years, but you don't have to take that long to tell his story! 8. Never underestimate yourself- Never worry that your testimony of salvation is too insignificant to help someone.It is okay if you have always been raised in church. You do not need to have some miraculous "Saul to Paul" conversion. Your testimony will help those specifically that God wants you to witness too. If the Holy spirit is leading you to talk to someone and share your testimony, do it. God will give you the words to speak at the right time. 9.Witness at the appropriate time- When trying to witness to somebody, do so at the appropriate time. Do not get all self-righteous when your boss comes up to you and tells you to get to back to work instead of chit-chatting with a co-worker. Don 't just write it off as the "Devil's handiwork." You simply chose a bad place and a bad time. If you run out of time, offer your number or ask to get together some time. 10.Never fear rejection- Rejection is inevitable. You probably have heard, "They are not rejecting you, they are rejecting Jesus." Let's just face it, they are writing you off as a Jesus-freak. Jesus is a part of you, and yes, they are rejecting you too. Now that you have swallowed that horse-pill, you can acknowledge that it is a valid fear, and face it. You will be rejected. That is the price that you will have to pay. Jesus promises that the world will hate us for his name's sake. That never stopped the biblical men (and women) who faced such adversity. (Note: Hosea, Noah, Elijah, Paul, Stephen, [not to mention Esther who faced death]...and many more.) 11.Make evangelism a lifestyle, not a solitary event- Do not make a church event your only time to witness. You will have many opportunities throughout your week or even day to witness to others. For women who stay at home, you can even use social media websites to witness to people. Make sure you are always Holy-Spirit led. 12. Not all Atheists are hateful- This means exactly what it says. Many Christians assume that all Atheists are bitter against God or Christianity in general. A real Atheist is not going to be bitter against someone he/she does not believe in. For you to assume all Atheists are this way is actually...well, judgmental. And hey! Guess what folks? Being upset at Atheists for judgmental behavior when you do the same is hypocritical. Also, Atheists are not Devil worshippers. Devil worshippers are "Satanists." Atheists don't believe in the Devil. If you make a comment about an atheist being a devil worshipper, you lose them completely, and you never even stood a chance. 13.Discipleship is important- Once you have successfully led someone to the Lord, don't just drop them like a hot tamale! Exchange numbers, set up dates to meet with one another. Teach them what you know, and encourage them to read their Bibles. Be their friend and help them grow. Evangelism does not just end at a successful seed-plant, or soul-winning. Once you lead someone to the Lord, you are held accountable for their discipleship. If you are not able, then point them in the direction of someone who can! :) Below I have posted a few silly memes that actually present very valid points!:
For Atheists, people of other religions, and Christians alike:
Yeah...most human beings are hypocritical regardless of religion. Don't let yourself get too heated over it. It is bound to happen.
Christians, stop saying you'll pray for those who don't believe. They don't want your pity. Go home and pray in secret. Odds are, they will get defensive...or just think you're insane.
Like most human beings, I have a bad habit of focusing on the bad things in life. I say like "human beings," because it's true! That is exactly what humans do.
Think for example, of a bad experience you had at a restaurant. Maybe your food was under-cooked, or maybe your waiter was a real jerk! You are able to recall every meticulous detail of that encounter, from the furrowed brow of the person sitting across from you, to how dirty the restrooms were. You have been to this restaurant many times, yet the one experience that stands out the most is the bad one, regardless of how many times your dining was a perfect success!
I am only 20 years old, and though I am a wife to an amazing husband, and a mother to a beautiful baby boy, I am still learning about the world. Every day I realize how evil the world is. I hear stories of the cruelest forms of child abuse, and more recently I have discovered more accusations of sexual abuse in my family.
I am very fortunate to never have had an experience with sexual abuse or rape before. I realize that now. I feel as though I have narrowly escaped. I am grateful that my son has two God-fearing parents who have shown him nothing but affection and selflessness. I look at him now, sitting there with his little laptop, pretending to be just like mommy, and I can't help but wonder why I have such a bad habit of focusing on the bad.
With wisdom comes sorrow, and ignorance is bliss. These two phrases are spot on. The more I know, the more upset I become, and once I have come to know what I know, and what to be known is known, I realize I would have been happier not to ever have known what I know or what was to be known....or what was not to be known! <----Go ahead and mull over that a bit!
When you learn something that has happened to a family member, or about something that was done against a family member, or perhaps behind their back, do you not tell them? Do you worry about them being hurt, or do you work to bring about justice, even if they do get hurt? I think not telling them would make you a coward. You know that you are going to have to explain why you never said anything, and you do not want to face it. Even with bullying, if you see someone doing something wrong, and you do not try to make things right, then you are just as wrong. The same applies to some of the horrendous family secrets we keep.
The horrendous family secret that I have learned, if I did not have God, would have definitely have been to great of a burden for me to carry. I do not know if I should go to the police, or if I should wait for the victims to come forward.
In this moment I can't help but wonder what Jesus would do. God never forces us to carry burdens, but he never takes them away either without us willing to do so. All he does is offer to carry them for us and we can either accept the offer, or refuse it. We can hold on, or let go.
That is easy to say when we carry the burden as a consequence of something we could have controlled. But what about if something happens to someone you love?
I am going to confront the father responsible for the victims and see what he is planning to do. If he does not report this to the police, I sure will. I cannot stand idly by as people I love are hurting. My heart is much too big for that.
'Til then, I am counting my blessings. I am happy to have a cute little home, and that I am full every night. I am happy to have my son and my husband to cuddle with at night.
My husband was cleaning the kitchen tonight while I did some homework. I walked into the kitchen to ask him if he could quiet down since the baby was sleeping, but as our eyes met, I forgot all about why I had even gone into the kitchen. I walked over to him and we embraced one another for a length of time. He had some ear phones in his ears, listening to music. I took one of the ear buds and placed it in my own ear. We swayed there, dancing to music audible to only us. We were living in a beautiful moment, and the whole world was unaware.
My husband and I are so deeply in love, that we can create a universe within a world. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that we don't have to have fancy cars, or go on some couple's retreat to rekindle some passion. Our passion is never lost. That is a blessing that I could never count, for it is priceless.
Alrighty, folks! So here is my update!
My period started, and ended already. It wasn't very long, but it wasn't spotting. It was definitely mother nature's monthly gift! Well, I don't know if I would call it a gift this time!
To be honest, I was not that shocked at all. As I stated before in one of my previous posts, you should hope for the best and expect the worst! I prepared myself for this, and I already knew that this may be a long process. I just hope not too long!
I accept that all things will happen in God's timing. There's always a reason God doesn't give us what we want when we want it! Wilmer and I are still going to be trying, and we will see what will happen! I ask you all to pray that God's will would be done in our lives whether we like it or not!
There is something a little more important to me than waiting for a period going on. Yesterday was the anniversary of my mother's death. I have a confession to make. Maybe it is a good confession to some, and maybe it is a bad confession to others.
Every year since my mother's death, I forget the anniversary until someone posts something about it on Facebook. I know I should be a little more mindful of that! I honestly have no idea why I forget every year! I kind of get upset at myself. No, I get mad at myself. How can I forget that she died on that date? I think about her everyday, yet I still forget. I don't know if my brain tries to push back the traumatic experience or what. To be honest, though I freely talk about it, and heck...I'm even comfortable talking about it...but I really do try my hardest to not relive the moment of her death. I can talk about what happened in those moments, but I block myself from experiencing the emotions I felt.
I think what emotionally scarred me the most was when blood began to come out of her nose and mouth. It was so thinned out and the doctors would put gauze in her mouth to try to slow it down. But the gauze would keep getting soaked so fast, and then the blood kept spurting on her oxygen mask. I had to keep asking the nurse to bring more gauze. It got to the point where she just dumped a bag of the gauze next to me.
I didn't want to leave her side so I had to shove some of the used gauze into my pockets. Later that night when I went home, I found them and decided to keep them. I wish I knew where that gauze was. I think I left it at my father's old house, which is now inhabited by my two uncles, and going into foreclosure. I feel bad about not having it. It has so much sentimental value to me.
It's very rare that I ever let the thought of my mom's death get to me, and tonight is one of those nights. My heart feels very burdened. I don't ever show my weakness to people. I have always guarded my heart. Tonight I am going to do something a little different. I have made a video of me sharing my thoughts, and about an experience I had with God while I was mourning my mother's loss. Beware, though! There are tears...and boogers!
So, if you know me well, or if you have ever paid attention to the time my entries are posted, you probably have guessed that I am either a Night Owl, or an Early Bird. I don't know, so I'll let you be the judge. I really do stay awake until about 3 to 5 in the morning, simply because I enjoy the peace and quiet. I'm a mother. I am not a "rookie," at being mom. I'm tellin' ya, I am in the major leagues. Do I run on energy from sleep? No. I run on sheer will power. Don't believe me? As my husband.
Today, January 13th, 2014, I am supposed to start my period. I haven't yet...but it's only 3 in the morning. I am literally sittin' on the edge of my seat here! I asked my husband if he was nervous, and he said that he wouldn't be nervous until I was about to take a test.
I have been on some of those motherhood/baby websites such as babycenter.com, or thebump.com and I have seen some mother's beating down other mothers who are hoping to get pregnant on the first try. I don't get the reasoning behind their choice to break down other women's spirits--perhaps they struggled with fertility issues, but that's no reason to try and crush someone's hopes! There's other ways to break it gently to someone, or to bring about the idea that a person may not get pregnant on the first try, and that's okay! Instead, you can encourage those mothers by offering to be of some support throughout their journey.
Now I am pretty realistic. I don't really expect to get pregnant the first time, but I do believe it's possible!
***
So, today I was admiring my body. I am so happy with my physical appearance, and to think--I am about to get pregnant and lost it all again! I wanted to show you guys how far I have come my weight loss progression since pregnancy, so that you guys can sympathize with me a little bit!
This is me presenting my belly. Notice the fullness of my face. I had severe preeclampsia during pregnancy and I weighed 200 lbs here.
Despite how thick I look, I love this picture! I was making telephones out of paper cups with my sunday school children. Here I am about 150 lbs.
In this picture taken at my in-laws' bathroom, I weighed approximately 140 lbs. Yes, I had a big butt and still do. It's a puerto rican thing. No "Brazilian Butt Lift" necessary ever.
This is me as of yesterday, I weigh about 134 lbs here. I am very happy with my appearance!
Here are my before and after pictures with abdomen revealed:
About 2 months after birth. Notice I still have the "linea nigra" and some visible stretch marks.
This was taken a few weeks ago. Notice that my stretch marks have faded, and my stomach is now toned.
These are amazing results considering I didn't have to work out or eat healthy to achieve them! That's great genetics for ya! Or...for me. ;)
***
After I have my second baby, I am actually going to work out and put some effort into getting physically fit! The reason I didn't really the first time was because I knew I was going to have another kid soon, and getting in crazy-awesome shape would be pointless just to ruin my physique all over again. I love beauty. I mean, who doesn't?
Speaking of which, I am actually planning on getting some braces for my birthday! (March 12th)
I can't wait to have a perfect smile! When my braces come off, and after I have worked out, I am considering trying out to be a Disney Princess at Orlando Florida's Disney World. I've been told by many that I look like Aurora (Sleeping Beauty.) I have also been told Rapunzel. Though I am flattered by being compared to the long-haired beauty, I don't think that my facial structure is similar at all. I would definitely be able to pull off Aurora!
And this is without all the extra things Disney would do to my hair, and makeup. I did some makeup myself, and edited my eye color to have purple eyes! This was kind of fun! :)
I have always been a stickler about not taking people for granted. In fact, I use to have an actual OCD over it. There were too many instances that this obsessiveness would overcome me for me to be able to share them all, but I will share one that I do not necessarily regret.
When I was about 14 years old, this serious obsession with not taking people for granted began. Before my mother would go to bed each night, she would have to tuck me in, and I would have to be the last of my siblings to be kissed otherwise I would literally have a mental break down. It was horrible--I felt like I was a prisoner in my own body!
Eventually my little siblings caught on to my "save-the-best-for-last" kiss, and grew jealous. Every night was a fight to the death over who would get the last kiss. Eventually my mother had to give us turns. It didn't matter that an order existed. I would still wait until lights were out and then I'd cry myself to sleep. I would think horrible thoughts about my mother dying. How ironic, right?
You think that has a hint of irony? Well I am about to share something very interesting with you.
When I was about two years old, my mother would have a beer every now and then. Me, being innocent and naive, would ask my "mommy" for a "sip of her soda."
She would always tell me, "Mariah, this is not soda and you can't have this."
I cried and begged and pleaded until she finally said, "suit yourself," and gave me a sip.
My face twisted at the nasty new taste I was experiencing. "Yuck!" I yelled.
My mom, just like me now, got off on watching other people getting hurt, getting scared, and getting grossed out.
So this, became a new thrill for her. She would offer me her "soda," time and time again, and every time I would tell her I didn't believe her. Then I would cave and taste it and my face would twist in disgust, just as she had hoped for! Talk about sick humor!
That's when the recurring dreams began.
About two or three times a year I would have this recurring dream, all the way up to my mother's death.
We would always be in the car alone together. She would be driving, and I would be in the back seat in my booster chair. She always had a drink in her cup holder, and I would always beg her for a sip of her soda. She would never answer me, and I would always undo my seat belt and peer into the front seat to find her missing, and no one would be driving. I would then have to take over the wheel.
As I said before, I dreamt up this scenario many times throughout my life. The very last time I had the dream, just a few months before my mother's death, the seat wasn't empty. The seat had a full-bodied skeleton in it.
A few days ago, I finally had a revelation about what the dream had meant.
You see, ever since my mother's alcohol addiction had began, I would be the only one to stand up to her. I would do anything I could whether it be praying, guilt-tripping, or just simply taking it away when she wasn't looking.
In the dream I was asking her for what I thought was her "soda," just like when I was a kid. I was always trying to take it away from her, and she'd never give it up. That road that she was on, (her driving the car in the dream) led to death, (her missing/ the skeleton,) because she would not give up the alcohol, (childhood ignorance made me assume soda in the dream.) Now since she has passed away, it is me who has to "take the wheel," and choose my own path. Every time I had mounted the driver's seat, the "soda" no longer existed, and I was able to safely park the car. I think this means I will break the family cycle by not letting alcohol control my life, and this is all because I am literally a miracle child. My mother's real dad died from overdose, my mother died from alcoholism, and I will never choose those paths. I am only an exception by God's grace!
My point about all this is that though OCD is a horrible disorder, God was able to take something bad and use it for good. Because of that odd obsessive behavior, I got in more kisses and hugs from my mother than I probably would have before. She would have died and I would have had so many regrets! I think that this is why of all my siblings and family, I was able to accept her death the quickest.
I have had this behavior with others before, and it actually pushed them away. I made the kisses and hugs a chore, but with my mom, she never took my kisses for granted. She was flattered we all fought over her kisses, but saddened that she couldn't please all of us.
After I accepted Christ into my heart, the OCD completely left me. I had a blessed hope that I would be able to live with those I love all throughout eternity!
I still do focus on not taking things for granted, I just don't beat myself up too badly when I realize that I have. Sometimes it will just hit me. I will be taking a nice shower, and realize I have the heat on, and a towel to dry myself off with, and nice shampoos and conditioners and body washes to smell good, and walls with a locked door for maximum privacy. I have way more than what most have.
Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, I think to myself, "Wow, I am truly beautiful." But I don't sit there with this smug look of vanity and pride with my nose in the air. I actually thank God because beauty fades, and I accept that.
I want to collect moments, not things. I am terrible at fashion. I am a T-shirt and jeans kind of gal. I only know how to do my hair two ways...UP and DOWN. I don't need to lust after money so I can wear name brands, or wear the nicest makeup, or possess the latest technology. Life is so much more than collecting things. I never want to be a materialistic human being.
When people hear the phrase, "Live every moment like it's your last, or "YOLO," as the modern adolescent generation says, they think of partying, getting drunk, or banging every dude or chick that is willing. That is not what I think of.
I cherish people. I love people. I serve people. I appreciate the small things, like my laundry detergent, my A/C, my running water, electricity, a roof. But then there are the big things that I appreciate. My christian brothers and sisters, my husband, and my son.
Today I actually posted a video of me singing a song that I made up for my son. It's in Spanish so you may not understand. It says:
"Nenito, chiquidito,
que lindo tu estas.
Tienes mi corazón.
Tu eres mi amor,
y tu sabes mejor,
que te quiero mucho."
In English, it means:
Little boy, small boy,
how beautiful you are.
You have my heart.
You are my love,
and you know very well,
that I love you so much.
It is not the most creative song in the world, but it is my song of adoration to my little Isaiah. I look at him and I can't help but wonder how on EARTH am I going to ever love another baby the same? I guess I won't know until baby number two arrives!
My "Song of Admiration" to my beautiful baby boy! <3
So, my husband is emotional and spontaneous, which explains why he wants another baby so bad! He is getting kind of ahead of himself, actually. He is so excited and has his hopes set so high that I am already pregnant! He has gone as far as telling people that I "might be pregnant," which is technically true. I mean, Hey! Ya never know...but I doubt it.
I feel myself still debating with myself whether or not I want to have another baby, all the while I am in the process of trying for one. Does that sound cliche or what?
Mothers, you know the physical devastation pregnancy can cause! I can't help but think of the effect that a second pregnancy will have on my body. But when I feel myself slip into this mentality, I remind myself that the rewards of motherhood are so much greater than the rewards of having a beautiful physical appearance.
I am going to admit something that most women would not.
After I have my second baby, I am definitely getting a boob job, and there is nothing anyone can say or do to change my mind. My husband thinks I am beautiful now, and many people have tried to convince me of this as well. There is no convincing needed to be done. I know that I am beautiful, because I have been told so throughout my entire life!
But the truth is, it is honestly not even a matter of cosmetics. I don't want huge knockers! I just want to be comfortable in a bra. I am tired of "quad boob," also known as "boob spillage."
It's when your breasts spill out of your bra like the "before" picture above. I constantly am having to fix myself in public and then men start doin' double takes. This can get pretty awkward when I am walking hand in hand with my husband, or pushing my baby in a shopping cart!
If you noticed, the title of this post is, "When Reason Gives Way to Passion." It has been thus titled because I feel that this is exactly what happened tonight between my husband and I. To increase our chances of conceiving a girl, we have a small frame of time where we can have sex, followed by a lengthy time of sex restrictions. But what can I say? Reason does indeed give way to passion when two people are young and in love!
Speaking of being in LOVE, I wrote my husband a beautiful poem! He does so many beautiful things for me to express his love, and I decided I better jump on the bandwagon and follow suit! So enjoy, and here it is:
